When it comes to life and love, often times the Christian is influenced and informed by their faith-walk. Making decisions according to faith on its face is not bad, but if our views have been shaped by bad or misinformed theological ideas, it can be problematic. How we date, court, and marry, is important; and our thoughts toward this subject must be challenged in order to approach it properly. The purpose of this blog is to challenge you to think clearly, to challenge the “Truths” you base your love and relational life upon.
Growing up in the African-American church, I remember hearing that God puts “One Whole Man” with “One Whole Woman” to make “One Holy Union”. For many years I chased after a fictitious whole woman, who would complement me perfectly; only to realize this pipe dream was a lie. The problem with seeking a whole person who is fully together is, no one is truly whole after the search; not even I, the seeker. The search in itself is counterproductive to wholeness in the sense that you give yourself away on this journey in hopes of finding “The One”. For example, if I start off at 100% and I date ten women giving 2% to each, which leaves me with 80% to give to my mate providing I marry the 11th. Person I date.
We find each other in fragments, my 80% with her 90% working with God, through the Holy Spirit, under the Blood of Christ to heal and grow each other. If someone had told me that this idea of a “Whole Woman” didn’t exist it would have made dating so much easier, because I wouldn’t have been distracted by the representatives of all those in my past. The key question is not what you bring to the table as far as amenities, but can I deal with your fragments.
Our fragments are the rough edges that cut those we love, the thing that when touched improperly can draw blood. If you can deal with the painful parts you can appreciate the beauty in totality. In marriage counseling, my counselor said something that, hit home. He said “Marriage is about two things, learning and suffering”. We must learn each other daily, and suffer through the times when our fragments cause each other to bleed and hurt. It makes me think of 2 Timothy 2:12: “If we suffer, we shall also reign with him: if we deny him, he also will deny us.” Just like our relationship with Christ, endurance yields the reward. If you suffer with the one you commit to, you will reign and thrive with them as well.
The truth is that we are broken half’s seeking to grow whole as one. The goal is to find the matching jagged edges. Being unequally yoked is having fragments that cause more damage to both parties. Such as the woman with abandonment issues who attracts a man with who takes leaves of absence to cope with her clingy nature. Broken fragments must be weaknesses complimented by the strengths of the broken individual we choose. Being in relationship is a daily choice that we make everyday. The commitment is not just to the person, but also to the decision to be in relationship.
So when I ask if your theology is keeping you single, I’m asking if your understanding of what God said is leading you away from relationships. Are you looking for a “Whole” person that doesn’t exist? Do you realize that you have your own growing edges and fragments to work with? In scripture we see; Adam was passive and Eve was naïve, Ruth was displaced and poor and Boaz was wealthy and established, and many other examples of the fragmented imperfect icons and hero’s of the faith that decided walked together in relationship. Relationship is where faith and imperfection collide to form Unity with God’s will.